I am a poet. But any subject is fair game here.
I quite like this but I struggled reading it. My problem was, that I imposed a 3/4 rhythm on the lineswhen shoals ripe for freezing / have slumped into crates ˘ ¯ ˘ ˘ ¯ ˘ / ˘ ¯ ˘ ˘ ¯and couldn’t get the waltz out of my head. My fault, not yours. The repetition of the word 'crates' jarred a bit. 'Crates that have been sealed' would solve that but maybe screw up you rhythm. I also kept reading 'bring INto focus'.I especially like ' wind’s empty mouth' though I'm not sure what you're getting at when you say ' the pier of myself'.Just a few observations – hope they help.
Hear post the ages;a new poem for us who draft back: gatheredat the sealed mystery,we manifest as ember gulls, freezing howllashing piers wing strafing windripe red unshaven face creatinga has-been worn out at the pierwith no routes,s/he can thorn morethan injure a mouthslumped self whenempty of focus my truck bring why after rod ~~Just experimenting, writing through, responding, a verbal ekphrasis, tommy stearns hose in da cat house, you long time, long time, you get long time wiv moi, $5000 an hour for a professional deep acting sex actress at the Hilton Hotel, s/he said the rate/s were fixed, and no dashing off, s/he would get the full hit, 30 G for six of 'em, wiv walter mitty the lyre ling time, long time, do it all night, druidic knocking shop, massage parlour of the id and go e men s/he is the fictional placebo weighting the veil between this world and that s/he is our leader is indisputable, if it can be proved s/he lives in print, reflection of what goes in, s/he Poetic, assimilation of two distinct accents, jostling in the voice to be heard, neither wooley-back nor scouser, but caught between to forces, dis and dunt thee doh lah dee arts pooh-a-tree, trail nea laddsie, no from wee-als we wuz when it suited, Alba, cock a doodle doon, farkin scam boot bhouy, phwoar a fully normal englishmun, oop norf culture, irish blood, roight daagghhhrrn sarf landen we neal dawn, torque loik da d'yerz gerrit?
That form says we are a workof secondary hands, tasked by transferencefrom sibling to parent wo/men makersself begot beingswe know no time sealed mystery manifest in the ember when our spiritwas not before us, love a point of viewnew creation doctrine remembered which remember we did, sparkwhence knowing learntember in a dying racewho saw when this wasremember, re-ember mahthou quickening selfpower-raised by our own gods Abc diel inglaislied furiously i levelledwith Satan for soon hispower, expect to feelon thy head his devouringfunder and fire 28 to 92'sstorms off the 93E palaceno last lines, Book 5 bullshit 'bout rhythmin beauty, sound the wayfor sense converges blankfreely lessons us how towrite verse on bland rustled seraphs Abdiel spake four faithless friends faithfulonly to themselves, beleiffound among they hearingpost-ages pooh, a tree 'em'n us whodraft back: gatheredat the gulls, freezing howllashing Superior violence Milton feared retorted scornful darts his back turned on: those proud owners of swift destruction doomed Labels: piers of truth from this constantmind, unchanging wing strafing windAmong innumerable foewith ripe red unshavenfaces unterrified, Unshakenunmoved, unseducedhe passed a crown thornless His loyaltys/he creatinga has-been industryslumped worn soldierfishy routes through self-hostile pierlesss/he thorns he kepthis love, hi S zeal;more than a number, an e xample morethan winds oar mouthwhenempty of focus mytruck injured, verbalforth a rough mist wrought by singular rod/s experimentingwriting through justtextual ekphrasis, tommy stearns hosefalse, swerve withhim from then whenwe sustained our way scorned and outfaced..
Jim, thanks for reading and commenting.Desmond, not sure what all that was about...
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