It’s the final of X Factor. Can you feel it? But don’t worry, you have this live blog for company, updated as the show progresses.
Missed Rebecca, who was first up. Apparently, she was terrific. Hmmmm, sounds as if I also missed Matt who was really first up. The clip shows Matt being Matt, technically perfect and mind-numbingly boring.
Now it’s One Direction. I hope they don’t win, although I suspect we’ll be seeing their cheeky faces around for a long time, win or lose. Will they sing in 4-part harmony tonight? They’re singing Elton and, would you believe, they do try a harmony and almost get it right – a wee bit out, but not all that much! An OK start, I suppose. I’ll give them 7, one of their better attempts. Daughter says 7.
Now it’s Cher. She starts standing on the judges’ table, showing ‘attitude’, or should that simply be ‘altitude’. It’s a good performance by Cher. It’s not really my kind of stuff, but it’s not dull. She could even make an interesting record, given decent songwriters. Simon says she is his favourite brat with a heart. I’ll give her 8. Daughter says 8.
Now it’s round 2, and Matt is thrilled to sing along with his star. Who is it? Let’s find out. He’s doing his best John Bon Jovi impression tonight. Well done, Matt. Zzzzzzzz. Here comes Rihanna, who is mentioned in one of my poems, 'The Look' from my 'The Opposite of Cabbage' collection. It stands to reason that Matt would like Rihanna. Tedious MOR stuff. She is tall, so tall. Matt says he looks up to her – he didn’t have much choice! Their harmonies are a bit off. I’ll give Matt 5 for that. Daughter says 6.
Here comes Rebecca. Can she wipe the smiles off No Direction’s faces? I mean One Direction, of course. Good to see her hair down – much less severe than the tightly pulled back look. She’s singing ‘Beautiful’, Christina Aguilera’s best song. I think Rebecca sings it better than Christina, to be honest – more controlled, less histrionics. I’ll say 8. Daughter says 9.
Who will duet with One Direction? Important to get right for the boys. Och, it’s Robbie Williams. It would be. How predictable can you get? I can’t stand him. OD says he’s a ‘hero to all of us.’ Well, I guess you get the heroes you deserve. I can hear the sound of harmonies, but this time, was that them or was it part of the backing tape?! It sounded suspiciously high and harmony-perfect. I’ll say 6. Daughter says 7.
Here comes Cher. She’s rapping. It’s the Black Eyes Peas guy. Not much I can say about that. 'Tonight’s Gonna Be A good Night'. Maybe. I think Cher will go tonight, although that’s a shame, because she did well there. I’ll say 7. Daughter says 7.
Rihanna’s doing a special guest performance. I’ll take this opportunity to watch wallpaper dry in the next room out-of-earshot...
Christina Aguilera now. Burlesque. Zzzzzzz. Skimpy costumes can’t make an interesting song all by themselves. CA can sing, of course, but what a boring song.
One of the four remaining hopefuls is about to be eliminated. Who will it be? I’d like to think Matt or One Direction, but I reckon it will be Cher. Why? Well, Matt's voice gets votes from people who think that's what the show is about. But think of his debut album! Could you do anything but sleep through it? One Direction simply appeal to, let's say, a different planet from the one I live in, but their fans appear to vote in force. Keep Rebecca in though, please.
Who’s going through? The announcement is coming from Dermott. The four acts and judges are coming onto stage. On now. In no particular order, the first act through is.... REBECCA! Yeah!! Second through is One Direction. Now, Matt or Cher? Come on, Cher, even though it’s obviously going to be Matt. Aw, what a shame. Cher is going home...Bye, Cher. We’ll hear from you again, I suspect, and I don’t think that about many X Factor losers.
The final continues tomorrow. Only three left, only one with that little bit extra. However, Rebecca could easily end up going out first tomorrow with Matt vs OD in the sing-off. What a joke that would be. We'll see...