Sunday, June 11, 2006

This one isn't straightforward...

…but I hope reading it doesn’t prove a waste of time. I’d be interested to know one thing – whether the you of the poem's “profession” is reasonably obvious. The poem hangs on that, and yet I don’t want to spell it out too blatantly, as the poem also hangs on it not being clear at the beginning. However, if it’s not clear by the end, I’ll be back to the drawing-board.

OK, the poem has now gone, but I'll continue to work on it. There are one or two sections I might touch up a little in the interests of clarity, and a few areas where I might change punctuation. Thanks for reading, while it was here.

7 comments:

Aisha said...

hmmm...on beer and football and first read only:
stunt man or suicid ebomber?

But dont give up, I am not at my brightest,
Sorella

Cailleach said...

This is relentless Rob, but I'm guessing that's the job you want it to do.

Nice to see you back, good/bad holiday then? ;¬)

Aisha said...

or...
astronomer

Rob Mackenzie said...

aisha - I'm getting worried that the poem must be too obscure at a vital moment. Unless you are just teasing me... I know you are a good reader of poetry, and thanks for reading this one.

Cailleach - I was aiming for relentless, yes. The holiday was good, but not great. Nice accommodation, variable weather, ugly, built-up town.

I'll probably take this poem down within 24 hours and see what I can do with it.

Aisha said...

not teasing: simulating harm: but harm happens: torturist?

thanks for the vote of confidence :)

but run it by some others-- I may well be out of some loop

Rob Mackenzie said...

You're spot on now. Thanks! I always feel that if even one person gets a poem, then that's enough. At some level, it must make sense. If no one does, then I'm in trouble.

Aisha said...

I know.
And I was sure it was me, not you :)
You are not an obscure poet-- just intriguing ...

Relieved some attention got it right...
blame soccer!