"rages" sounds too strong. The march repeat, although impressive, makes N seem too angry perhaps, too emotional, and what you really need is a narrator who feels a misplaced anger but also guilt at not being able to really feel what he sees. That's what makes the final image so brilliant, and the poem has to all build up to that image.
I don't have the poem in front of me now, so just take this as my gut response.
2 comments:
Hi,
Strong writing.Bad title.
You don't really need S1.
"rages" sounds too strong. The march repeat, although impressive, makes N seem too angry perhaps, too emotional, and what you really need is a narrator who feels a misplaced anger but also guilt at not being able to really feel what he sees. That's what makes the final image so brilliant, and the poem has to all build up to that image.
I don't have the poem in front of me now, so just take this as my gut response.
Cheers,
Larry
Thanks for reading Larry, and for the useful comments.
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