I've posted more original poetry here in the last couple of weeks than I normally do, and here's another poem, a draft really. I don't often write poems based on true news stories, but this one begins with a real incident. It will disappear, as ever, at some point tomorrow:
***gone***
3 comments:
This is really powerful stuff, Rob - I found it v affecting and rhythmically well-executed. I wasn't so sure about the rhythm breaking down towards the end, though - I see how this demonstrates the fallout of thoughtless and terrible actions, but I think for consistency and overall intensity you might be better to rework it into something a bit tighter?
Thanks for sharing it. I look forward to the final draft.
B
The relentlessness comes over very strongly, driven by the fact that it's a single sentence, but I wonder if the effect on the screen could be matched in a reading. I'm sure you'd need to pause for breath, but where? And what effect would that have on the rhythm and drive? It's chilling though.
Thanks.
Colin
Ben, Colin - thanks for reading and for the useful comments. I'll certainly be looking at it again with a few to tightening it etc. Cheers.
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